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Shame and Guilt: The directives of our social selves.
March 31, 2017
So, what exactly is the difference? The terms are often used interchangeably. However, there are some core differences that help us to clearly identify their origin when we feel that these painful emotions are creating unhealthy dysfunction in our lives.
Shame is a projection of disappointment from other people in your social system. This is a natural deterrent for unapproved behaviors from an individual, as it decays one’s position in their social hierarchy. In contrast, Guilt is an internally driven emotion, substantiated by conflict between your behavioral actions and core values or morals. Shame is dependent on the opinions of others’ and is often related to an observable consequence. Guilt builds off of one’s developed moral and ethical code of conduct. Both concepts are associated with one another closely and both require an inherent sense of empathy to be present.
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As per Dictionary.com
SHAME noun 1. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: GUILT noun 2. a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined. |
The anthropological tellings of “Never in Anger” authored by Jean L. Briggs focuses on the social norms and expectations of an Inuit Eskimo community, the Utku. As an anthropologist, Briggs sought to immerse herself into the culture, finding it difficult to adapt to the social avoidance of Anger, which was seen as a shameful lack of self-control. Deviations from the social norm are adjusted and molded by implementation of shame and guilt. In this narrative, members were physically and emotionally ostracized, shamed for their disregard of systemic rules (presenting with a lack of strict emotional regulation). This reinforced conformity in the system, thus strengthening the efficacy of using shame and guilt as behavioral modification tools in society.
What culture(s) do you personally connect with and in what ways do Shame or Guilt drive you to unite with the rules and expectations of your external environment?
Author
Stephanie P. Bathurst, MA, LCMFT
Marriage and Family Therapist
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